Bursting Bubbles and Raining on Parades

Did you ever see that SNL skit that is set up like a commercial for high fructose corn syrup?  If you haven't, enjoy it here.  It's hilarious and I definitely got a good laugh out of it at the end, but I have to be honest when I say that in the beginning when the party-host mom starts going off on the other woman, I started to sweat.

It made me anxious cause that's totally me, I'm the one who's always telling people what they're doing wrong and I often wonder what people think when they see me coming.

"What's she going to tell us we're doing wrong, this time?  Hide your snack foods and drinks folks, cause here she comes!" 

All people want to do is enjoy their cup of coffee with Italian Sweet Cream Coffeemate in peace, and here I come to tell them that it's going to give them heart disease.  Sure it tastes good and provides relaxation and enjoyment, but how can anyone relax and enjoy something that is so unhealthy?  And how does one keep one's mouth shut when apparently others are not aware of the contents of what they are consuming?  It's a different story if they are fully aware and don't care and eat/drink it anyway.  Then it's their problem.  They might get a raised eyebrow and a tsk tsk from me but if they know what they're doing, they're on their own. 

So this is my dilemma.  Do I want to be that person to always tell people that...Coffeemate is massively hydrogenated, Slim Fast is garbage in a can, Vitamin Water is no better than soda, or that daily multivitamin they are taking is no better than swallowing one of your kids Littlest Pet Shop pieces?

No, I don't always want to be the one.  But who else is going to tell them?  Are they better off living in ignorance?  Some people would say yes, live and let live.

I kept my mouth shut about something once and later on when the person found out what bad ingredients were in it, she asked me why I didn't say anything.  Because I'm always the bearer of bad news, and it's not always a fun position.  When I get a good reaction and someone is actually grateful for the information I've shared, then I feel good about it and it's worth the risk of putting myself out there.  But I have been in the position where I've been asked 'what am I doing wrong, now?' with no shortage of attitude.  Like THAT wouldn't make someone uncomfortable!

I'm not trying to be a know-it-all, I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad.  I do it because I care.  So, that said, if you want to hear what you're doing wrong...you know where to come! 

The Great Lunch Debate

I pack my kids lunches for school about half the time.  The other days they buy it at school.  There is a marked difference between what I pack and what the school serves.  We have a large selection of lunch boxes with characters, and thermoses and flip-straw cups.  Some days the school menu is just too good to pass up, so they buy it.  It's ok.  Everything in moderation.

I get the same complaints almost every 'cold-lunch' day; 'why can't we have white bread?', 'I want Capri Sun!', 'why do you buy such weird stuff?'.  But when I'm packing, they get what I give them and that's that.  I get pretty consistent resistance from the boy no matter what I'm serving, breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  He has actually said 'No thanks mom, I don't really like food'. On the opposite side of the spectrum, my beebs (the girl) is quite compliant and will eat just about anything.

Amazingly, both of my kids now have said to me recently that they don't like hot lunch at school, the food is gross, and probably hydrogenated.  Yes, they actually said that!  Hallelujah!  Have they really been listening to me all along? They know the difference between a healthy lunch from home and the processed slop they serve the kids under the guise of 'healthy'!  Hot lunch at school sure is convenient, but I can pack lunches, and I certainly won't cry about not having to spend that money - if both kids buy lunch, it's almost $5 a day! 

It's interesting to me that a school lunch program considers processed butts-n-beaks chicken nuggets a healthy choice because they are 'breaded in whole grains'.  Really?  Whole grains, huh?  Right-o, it must be health food!  I mean, do they seriously consider french fries a vegetable?! Actually, ya. They do.  This is a perfect example of why supplementing their (and our) diets with vitamins is so important.  The food they serve through these programs is nutritionally insufficient, as is much of the food available to all of us.  Modern mass production of food is not good for the nutritional content of that food...things are not the same as they were 50 years ago! 

It's certainly no secret that many school lunch programs in this country are lacking in so many ways.  The USDA guidelines are out of date and you know, I'm thinking that the organization as a whole could use an enema.  Back when the guidelines were created - over a hundred years ago - malnutrition was the epidemic, not the obesity epidemic we face today.  The current USDA guidelines also served the purpose of a marketing strategy to get people to support the agricultural industries.  The industries might have needed the help back then, but I dare say they are a little more stable these days.  Naturally the dairy and meat industries don't want you to decrease your consumption of their products, no matter how unhealthy it is for you or what doctors and scientists say are the correct amounts.  It's a conspiracy, I tell you!  Jamie Oliver, help us! 

So, I ask the kids what kind of stuff I can pick up at the store to pack in their lunches, with 'healthy' being the underlying theme.  I'm looking for some ideas of a couple different fruits, some sort of sandwich fixins, maybe veggies and dip, you know...veggie-tofu stir-fry in the thermos - ok, that last one may be getting a bit carried away, but I'm so excited about the kids volunteering to make healthier choices that my expectation meter is going through the roof.

The beebs tells me she doesn't care, as long as she can put it in her new Dora lunchbox.  Wait...she wants to take her lunch because she wants healthier food, right?  She really gets bent out of shape when something is hydrogenated, I mean, she's literally cried over Oreos so it couldn't possibly be just the lunchbox.

The boy says, 'I want a lunch like ______'s !'

Well  now ______'s mom is a nurse, so of course I do a little internal jump for joy.  A nurse knows about good nutrition, right?!  I stand riveted, with a smile plastered on my face....

'His mom packs him a Slim Jim, a Ho-ho, a Hi-C juice box, and a piece of candy for dessert.  I want that.'

Despite the questionable source for this information, my eyes roll back in my head, I go to my happy place and imagine that I end our conversation like this:

'Listen boy, you'll eat what I give you and you'll LIKE IT.  I don't want to hear how the ass clowns at your lunch table make fun of you cause you're the only one eating brown bread, or the juice in your juice box is partly vegetables.  Some day you'll thank me for not feeding you a pile of crap that rots your guts, makes you fat and gives you cancer!  Now beat it, or I'll show you where you can put your Ho-hos!'

My head spins, and as I fade into unconsciousness I hear a dreamy sounding, 'yes, Mommy I'll eat it.  I love it, Mommy, it's yummy!  Can I have more green vegetables please, Mommy, they're my favorite.....'

Mummy Dearest

We all know that processed convenience foods are not good for us.  Right?  RIGHT?  Of course we know that.  One of the reasons...as if we needed another...is preservatives.  What I'm about to tell you, be it hearsay or not, may convince you to never eat another 'preserved' food again.  Apparently, Americans consume so many preservative-laden foods each and every day that when we die, our bodies are not decomposing like they should.  Everything about that is just GROSS.

Did you know that typical grocery store brands of vitamins are so full of synthetic ingredients, that when port-o-potty companies clean them out they find whole vitamins in the holding tanks?  Those aren't the kind of vitamins I'd want to take.  I mean, what's the point?  I've heard the ridiculous argument before about why you shouldn't bother paying more for quality vitamins...the only difference it makes is that you have expensive pee.  I guess the port-o-potty findings take that to a whole new level.

You know all those food packages and signs at fast-food restaurants that claim 'No Trans Fats!'?  I'm sure you've seen them and been comforted by their presence.  Did you know that when you eat a food that contains hydrogenated oils that when your body processes them they get turned into trans fats?  Did you know?  Well you do now.  Nice marketing ploy guys, but we're on to you.

Don't fall for these advertising scams that claim 'corn sugar' (high fructose corn syrup) is a natural product.  No it's not!!  By whose freaking dumb ass standards???  Since HFCS has gotten such a bad rap, industry will try and cover their asses by changing the same to something so harmless sounding as 'corn sugar'.  How dumb do they think we are?  At this point I would hope that we are all aware of the damage that HFCS does to our bodies.  If not, read up folks.  Educate yourselves.  However natural the (GMO, but that's a whole different blog) ingredients used to make HFCS or corn sugar started out, rest assured that by the time they make it onto the shelf in the grocery store they have been processed beyond the point that they can be recognized as a natural food item.

I repeat, educate yourselves.  The government is not looking out for us.  The FDA and USDA have taken on a whole new meaning in my vocabulary, and those letters stand for something I shouldn't write here.  The best we can do is arm ourselves with knowledge.  We can all be healthier, and it really doesn't mean making huge extreme changes.  Pay attention to what you eat.  Read labels in the grocery store and have a list of ingredients that you avoid.  If that's too much work, then at least stick to the outer rim of the grocery and skip all the processed stuff in the middle.  None of us needs it.  I may have eaten a big, fat, beautiful reuben sandwich yesterday, but you bet it was organic pumpernickel bread, and organic 1000 Island, and organic sauerkraut.  Maybe the ingredients aren't the healthiest to begin with, but splurging on a less than ideal meal once in a while isn't going kill you as long as you put it together with the best ingredients you can. 

A friend of mine posted a blog today about how important it is that we take care of ourselves and I couldn't agree more. You're the only one of you there is and you've only got one body and it shouldn't end up mummified because of your diet.  No one else is going to take care of it for you, so get to it!!