Jack & Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of ...Red #40?? (JAK Version)

For the past two months or so, every time I scold my son, make an unwelcome suggestion (clean your room?) or...speak pretty much anything out loud or breathe, he asks 'Who crapped in your cornflakes?'.  Talk about beating a dead horse!  AND...I don't even like cornflakes.

I've been spending some time at my kid's school helping out in classes, shortly after school starts in the morning.  I've noticed a lot of 'behavior' that is puzzling to me.  Given that these are 6-10 year old children I'm dealing with, expecting perfection is certainly unreasonable.  Though, I find myself expecting much more than I am seeing...

I know there are a lot of legitimate cases of ADD/ADHD, but I also know that there are a lot more that could be helped by simple dietary changes and eliminating certain things from the home environment.  As I was sitting there with a couple of kids, I started thinking...I wonder what these kids had for breakfast today...?  I wonder how many of these kids eat crap at home...?  How many had Froot Loops, Pop-Tarts, or something equally artificial and disgusting for breakfast...?  How many brought a Lunchable today (or every day!), or drink Hi-C or Capri-Sun or some other 'juice'?

Is someone crapping in their cornflakes?

Just to clarify:
ADD: A term given to the condition of children, teenagers or adults when they show poor attention, impulsiveness or unexplained emotional outbursts in normal day to day activities.
ADHD: A term used to describe children, teenagers or adults who have low attention span, exhibit high levels of distractability, are chronically disorganized and are in “perpetual motion”.




According to one source, the average attention span of a child age 6-8 is 15-20 minutes, and age 9-12 is 30-45 minutes.  Now, I am 37 years old and I doubt I have a 30-45 minute attention span.  A more reasonable source says to add 2 minutes to a child's age, and start there.

Taking the above into consideration:  3 to 10% of school aged children get diagnosed as ADHD every year.  That's a ton of kids!  Most of them go on to be treated with drugs that have both minor and serious side effects, like loss of appetite, insomnia, mood swings, suicidal thoughts and psychotic behavior. Neither of my children have ADD or ADHD, so I haven't been in that position, but just thinking about what could possibly happen is frightening.  I, as a parent, would certainly try everything in my power in order to avoid something that would cause these side effects, and if doing something as simple as dietary changes and natural cleaning products could significantly change my child's need for drugs, you better believe I would be ON IT.

Traits commonly observed with ADD/ADHD:
Inattention: easily distracted, can’t complete tasks, does not listen.
Impulsivity: acts without thinking, does not wait his turn, goes from activity to activity without organizing or completing anything.
Hyperactivity: can’t sit still, fidgety, bothers others, always on the go – “perpetual motion”.
Emotionally Unstable: social loner, angry outbursts for no reason, often involved in conflicts or fights, poor response to discipline.

A lot of people may not realize how significant of an impact that food ingredients and chemical exposure have on so many aspects of our lives! Food allergies don't just cause hives or rashes, but can cause behaviors that may fall under the heading of ADD/ADHD, as can exposure to things like bleach or ammonia.  An average child consumes over 10 pounds of food additives per year.  TEN POUNDS!  Of toxins, chemicals, artificial ingredients and colors and preservatives and who knows what else.  Crap. Garbage.  Disgust-o-rama.


Here are some of the conditions that have possible links just to food dyes in particular:

• Cancer, including brain tumors
• Asthma and allergies
• Behavior problems, ADD, ADHD
• Decreased cognitive function and lowered IQ

How many products do you have in your home, that your children consume, that include food dyes?

I bet it's more than you think.

There have been studies upon studies done about this...I'm not just some radical fruitcake treehugger making stuff up.  One recent study by the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics analyzed 15 other studies of the effect of artificial food colors and preservatives on hyperactivity, and found that 28% of the children (who had previously been diagnosed as ADHD) tested had increased hyperactivity after consuming artificial colors and preservatives.  And that's just testing for those two items, not any of the other usual suspects.  Another study took children who had NOT been diagnosed with anything and removed artificial colors and preservatives from their diets for 8 weeks.  At the end of the 8 weeks, the children were given a juice beverage containing some combination of food colorings and sodium benzoate (a preservative).  The results were clear in that the amount of artificial food colors and preservatives found in a typical child's diet is enough to trigger hyperactivity in many of those children.


Studies have also been done regarding chemical exposure.  Typical household cleaning products contain a plethora of dangerous chemicals.  But...they sell them at the grocery store, they must be safe.  Right?!  NO.  Chemical companies don't care if they are making you sick.  They get away with it legally for many reasons that would take me another whole blog to tell you about.

Here are some of the conditions that have possible links just to bleach and ammonia:

• Cancer, neurological disorders, weakened immune system, autoimmune disorders
• Asthma and allergies
• Infertility and miscarriage
  
• Behavior problems, ADD, ADHD, mental retardation
• Decreased cognitive function and lowered IQ 
• Alteration of hormones, endocrine disruption

How many cleaning products do you have in your home that include bleach or ammonia, not to mention the hundreds of other toxic chemicals?!

I bet it's more than you think!

If your child shows signs of ADD/ADHD, there are a number of areas to address:
*Clearly, diet and nutrition:  If you feed your kid sh*t, they're gonna act like sh*t.  Cut out the processed foods, preservatives, artificial colors and flavors, even sugar-free/artificially sweetened items.  Have your child tested for food allergies, including gluten.  Consider nutritional supplements, especially Omegas. 
*In relation to food and diet; bowel health:  Get a ton more fiber into their diet, and definitely add a probiotic.
*Remove toxins from the home.  Replace your cleaners with non-toxic choices.  Choose better laundry detergents and fabric softeners.  You and your children could be wearing chemical residue-laden clothing all day and sleeping in it (think about your sheets!) at night.  You are absorbing chemicals into your skin.   *Consider an air purifier.
*See if hypoglycemia is an issue.
*Eye and ear disorders and psychological wellness can also be investigated.

Naturally these solutions won't pertain to everyone.  It's not going to be quite so simple for every child who has been diagnosed as ADD or ADHD to be 'fixed' by what I've discussed above, but how many does it pertain to?

I'm willing to bet...its more than you think.

There is help beyond drugs.  A lot of doctors would have you believe that pharmaceuticals are the only option, but that is not the case at all.  Nutrition, diet and environment should be examined and appropriate changes made before resorting to drugs whenever possible, especially if those three steps solve or relieve the problem.  If a pharmaceutical is necessary, then it should be used in conjunction with other, natural solutions.  Could you imagine finding out that you had been drugging your child for a perceived problem, only to find out that their breakfast cereal (among other things) was causing the problem?!  Drug your child, so they can eat junk?  I think not.

I have heard many people say they don't care about food additives or ingredients, or whether they use chemicals in their homes.  I have seen a mom hand a kid a pill, then give them a can of soda and chips.  What?!  Noooooo!  Its easy to make better choices!!

Come on, we know better than this.  We can do better than this.  Make healthy changes!  Quit buying crappy cornflakes!  Start caring about what goes into and onto your body and what you bring into your home!  Your children (and their teachers!) will thank you!!

Interested in reading more about some of the studies I mentioned above?  Just aren't taking my word for it?!  Check it out, I did all the work.  You just have to click.  See how helpful I am?!

B*tches Gotta Eat

So I've been pretty good in the food department lately, really trying to be healthy and make good choices (per my commitment in this previous blog).  Yeah, I been working out too, thanks for asking.  You don't get to look like this by doin' nothin' *wink wink*.

One of my sweet-ass girls started a Facebook group where some of us can go to post about what we're eating, what we're hopefully NOT eating, suggestions, tips, blah blah blah.  There have been some pretty damn good recipes posted lately, of which I've tried quite a few.  I've vegetarianized, if not completely veganized, the recipes to stick with my own program, but you certainly don't have to.  They're all low-fat, good for you food that actually tastes good.  Amazing, no?

I figured I would post them for you-all who may also be on the healthy-eating bandwagon, are sick of salads, and think vegan is another word for tofu.

Here you go, skinny bitches:

I veeged this one.  Veeged is a new word, by the way.  I made it up just now.  It's short for veganized, which is clearly way too long.

Point is, I used veggie broth (I used the whole 32 oz carton, which was 4 C instead of only 2 C., then 2 C of water instead of 4.  Yeah, it's good).  I didn't use the cheese or cheese rind, though I'm sure it would have made it even more of a smashing success.  I did use semolina pasta, though at least it was organic.

This soup is da bombdiggity.  My 6 year old totally loves it.  Plus, any food that gives the kids gas is ok in their books...if it makes them fart, they're in.  Moving on.

Unless you really love the crap out of oatmeal, I would recommend cutting this recipe in half.  It makes a TON.  I changed mine up a little bit (surprise surprise) due to what I had on hand, and I also found that it needed a little more agave than called for in the recipe.  Very good, very filling, very kid-friendly!

This next one comes from Hungry Girl, and is the shiznit. Kids LOVE this stuff.  It can totally be veeged but you've got to micromanage your enchilada sauce.  Vegetable broth, tofu if you want it, and obviously no chicken.  The recipe posted as-is is VERY good and very low fat, but it's up to you what you want to do.  Except enjoy it...that's not an option.  YOU WILL ENJOY IT.

Isn't it pretty?  Find it HERE.  And while you're there, check out her other recipes, she's got some good stuff!

Coming up next...

 
I made myself a cute little version of this for lunch the other day, and oh me oh my...it was deeelish.  I posted this recipe cause it was my inspiration, though mine was not nearly as involved.  I had a bag of frozen sweet potato cubes, which I boiled into thaw-ness.  I sauteed half an onion in coconut oil till it was lovely, threw in the sweet potatoes, grabbed a jar of roasted red peppers and cut a few into chunks and threw that in.  Wrapped it all up in a couple of sprouted-grain tortillas from Ezekiel, and man was I impressed with myself.  You can be too!  Either with me, or yourself, whatever floats your boat.

I may be posting more of these types of recipes, so keep an eye out.  And if you've got any you'd like to see in a blog, send them along!  I'll even give you hungry b*tches the cred.  Just like being a celebrity.

Till next time, love yous!!

Three. 3. Trois. Tres. Part 3: The Third Part. Beginning of the End.

I wish I would have saved the little thumbnail pic that came with the listing of this house.  Sitting in the van, across the street from this house, alternately looking from the listing in my lap to the actual house across the street, trying to figure out where we made a wrong turn.  Cause this couldn't possibly be the place, because this... this was straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

It was fall, sometime in October.  The leaves were changing, there was a chill in the air and that general festive feeling of anticipation that fall always brings.  The white farmhouse across the street had painted shutters and a front porch with white columns on brick pillars, a big red brick chimney on one side.  The yard was loaded with trees...the leaves of the maples were positively gold and they were falling like snow.  There was an older man in the yard raking these golden leaves into piles. Smoke billowed out of the chimney and the smell of wood fire was in the air.  Surreal.

The man notices us sitting in our minivan gaping, and immediately drops his rake and comes striding towards us.  One of us undoubtedly said 'oh shit let's get out of here, quick', but the man was already at the window, smiling and knocking and asking if we'd like to come and see the house.  Whaaaa?  Really?!  He was friendly and inviting to the point where I started to feel suspicious.  I know it's lame, but it must be some sort of conditioned response.  That's my only explanation. 

The man ushers in the back door, calling for his wife.  I am immediately struck by the charm and originality of this old house, the back porch, the laundry room with one of those white farmhouse sinks, flowers painted on the cabinets, and the smell of apple pie in the air.  Sunny, cozy, wonderful.  This cute little grey-haired woman appears in the doorway with an apron and oven mitts on and tells us to come on in, she just has to take a pie out of the oven and it will just take a minute, and would we like some cider?

A pie?  Cider?  For real? Who are these people?!

The couple gave us a tour and told us all about the house and their family and the area, and charming, charming, charming, blah blah blah.  Since the house turned out to be over a hundred years old, I (sort of) jokingly asked the woman if they had a resident ghost.  She quickly turned around to me, smile fading, and responded with 'Maybe. Why do you ask?'.  Whoa, ok.  Just making conversation, ma'am. 

We spent at least an hour with these kind people, drinking their cider and breathing their pie-scented air.  There was a big garden out back, a chicken coop, raspberry bushes and apple and pear trees.  I started thinking about a compost pile and canning vegetables, backyard chickens and organic eggs.  It was so idyllic, just absolutely picture perfect.  The antique furniture, hardwood floors, wood burning stove complete with shaggy dog laying in front.  The acre of land, underground spring and gigantic ancient trees.  The wallpaper and paint techniques and throw rugs and lacy curtains.  It was a Victorian farmhouse and it was perfect.  We wanted it.  The house and everything about it...we were in love.  Me, who insisted that anything across the state line was a waste of time and a joke...yep, I was sold. 

As soon as we got in the car we started talking about it.  There was a feeling the house had, and we both felt it immediately.  The house wanted us, too.  When we left there we continued looking around the area, pulling up in front of different houses I had listings for and I would immediately compare them in my head to this place.  There was never any comparison, none of the other houses could hold a candle to this one. 

On the way home we talked about everything we had seen, and Steve mentioned my question about ghosts, and the woman's reaction.  We both kind of WTF'd for a few minutes, then, with eyes all big and round, he very seriously suggested 'maybe they were the ghosts'.  Good lord.  We just spent an hour in the Twilight Zone.

And with that, we went home and started to formulate a plan.

When I'm Skinny, You Can Call Me Bitch.

When you go to a Tony Robbins seminar, part of what you learn is about nutrition and how different foods affect your body, mind, and overall well-being, and how important the acid/alkaline balance is.  At the end he asks you to commit to a 10-day cleanse.  I did the seminar, committed to the cleanse, and hung on full blast for almost two months. 

The cleanse is basically being vegan, but at the same time being very alkaline.  This really limits what you can eat.  (In a nutshell, all foods are either more acid or more alkaline, and you want to be more alkaline.  It has to do with the pH balance of your body and how your body holds onto fat and stuff and blah blah blah.  I lost 8 lbs in about 3 weeks.  Sign up for this website and download a list of foods here.  It's super-dee handy.)    

Basically, this cleanse entails:  no dairy, no meat, no animal products of any kind, nothing processed, no white sugar or flour, nothing fermented (so no vinegar or alcohol).  I know I'm missing something.  Oh, nothing canned.   No smoking, no stimulants of any kind including caffeine.  No fruit juices unless you squeeze those bitches yourself.  Sounds like goddam torture, doesn't it?!  Yaaaa, baby.

It's f*cking hard.  It's one of the most disciplined things I've ever done in my life.  But it's awesome.  You spend the first week drying out, which sucks, but after that it is almost addictive.  What's pulling me back right now is the weight loss, and it's healthy weight loss, not all stress your heart and your hair falls out weight loss.  Your skin - glowing.  Your period - practically nothing.  Your attitude (after the first week) - f*cking righteous!!  I've never felt better. 

Tony Robbins is a slick muthaf*cka. 

But naturally it was really hard to stick to 100%, so little by little I started re-incorporating foods back into my diet.  For a while I was straight vegan, and now I eat meat again.  I love coffee and I'm a bit of a boozer, but I still don't do much dairy.  I avoid the 'whites' and only use agave syrup or turbinado (or other natural) sugar.  Oh, and I try to avoid using the microwave, as it 'kills' your food.  Yes, it's true, shutup. 

Recent conversations and blogs I've read (I Want a Dumpster Baby) have gotten my wheels turning about this again.

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I used to workout like a fiend, then I sprained a couple things and it all went downhill.  It's so hard to go back to working out after you've been off it for so long, isn't it?  I felt so good when I worked out, and I know I would again, but it's just the pain and suffering of starting that is holding my lazy ass back.  And I'm suffering for it too, I'm carrying some extra weight that I am NOT proud of or happy about whatsoever. 

But starting a new workout plan and doing a vegan cleanse hold the same intimidation factor for me.  Once I get going I know I'll be fine, but it's just those first rotten steps that f*cking slay me.  I need to be held accountable.  I need Tony Robbins to come over here and light a fire under my ass.  I need to be bossed around.  I need to be held accountable. 

So, I'm calling in reinforcements. 
O'mayra, vacation is OVER and the chocolate fountain should be in (temporary) retirement. 
Sam, I know you're starting too.  But will you hold my hand and pee on me if I get stung by a jellyfish? 
Libby, get your bossy ass in gear and don't let me get away with shit!  
IT'S ON, BITCHES!! 

You want to join us?  Everyone needs at least one accountability partner.  I'll be yours, if you'll be mine too.  If you've got questions about acceptable foods or how Cinch products can help you keep your sanity, let me know.  Pick up Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (it's in the Amazon bar at left) and check out the acid/alkaline site I posted above.  We all need support and someone to talk us down off the chocolate-coated ledge.  If you see me slacking, well, you know what to do.  This is an open invitation to kick my ass.  With the risk of sounding all lame and rah-rah-sis-boom-bah -  it's time to let go of what's comfortable.  If I can firewalk, I can do this.  You too.  Let's do it.

P.S.  I highly recommend the Tony Robbins UPW Seminar.  If you've ever had a single problem in your entire life, it's for you.  It's pricey, but if you wait long enough the tickets go on sale 2 for 1.  It's worth every penny.  Plus, you gotta love a guy who loves Shaklee. 

You read blog. Right meow!

My 10-year old hasn't been...performing...as well as he should be and we think we figured out that it's because he is sleep deprived.  He has so much trouble falling asleep at night and naturally gets in lot of trouble for it, but I think the worst thing is seeing what a zombie he is in the morning.  It is heart-wrenching to see this little boy so tired.

It's been going on since probably the beginning of last school year.  His grades have suffered, his sports performance has suffered, his concentration and behavior has suffered.  We've suffered. 

At the most recent parent-teacher conferences, his teacher suggested that if his concentration doesn't improve that our next conference will be a very different conversation.  He's never had attention issues before, and a lot of the issues he had last school year I attributed to his and his teacher's personalities not quite jiving.  But to hear that come out of the mouth of a professional, and that professional be talking about YOUR kid, well needless to say, it's alarming.

It was around the same time that I realized that his sleep situation could really be contributing to what is going on at school.  Yeah, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.  Whatever, nobody's perfect.  The pediatrician suggested I try giving him Melatonin about an hour before bedtime.  Good idea.  Shaklee has a product called Gentle Sleep Complex and I already owned it, so we gave it a try.  Instead of being straight-up Melatonin, which has possibility of side effects and can only be used short-term, it's a combination of herbs that is good and effective.  I've used it...no hangover.  It's been working ok so far, though I did just up the dose a little cause he was still having some trouble falling asleep. 

The other night I handed him the two tablets and went to get a glass of water.  In the time it took for me to get that water, apparently quite a bit of the scent of the tablets had rubbed off on his hand.  As soon as he took the tablets, he then proceeded to wipe his hand on his pants, down the length of his thigh.

You'd think somebody opened a can of crazy-ass cat wack-a-doo.  Our girly-cat, let's call her Black Betty for privacy reasons - she's shy with strangers, flipped out on the boy and started biting his pants and his hand that held the tablets.  She freaked out enough to scare the boy off the sofa to where he cowered by my side, laughing, and from there we watched Black Betty chase invisible flies, roll around, and finally fall off the couch head first.

At this point we were on the floor and in animal territory.  Black Betty's bro, Bam-a-lam-a-lam or Big 'un for short, came sauntering up all casual-like and took a couple sniffs.  Now, Big 'un isn't quite as theatrical as Black Betty is - he is a big, simple, giant, gentle clown and he's got a real fat ass.  No seriously, he weighed more than my daughter until last spring, and she's 6.  Big 'un also made a beeline for the boy's hand/leg area, which tipped us off to the fact that these Gentle Sleep tablets must have something in them the cats wig out over.  The boy ran for the bottle, opened it, and stuck it under the cat's nose.  This action was immediately rewarded by the cat trying to grab the bottle with his teeth and run off, and when he quickly realized that wasn't going to happen he got all sexy on us, rolling over onto his back and open-mouth purring.




Which was a little weird.

I've seen cats on catnip before, and the following is the closest behavior I've ever seen.  At our first apartment, hubby and I had two cats and a corked bottle of catnip.  During the night one night, these cats got the bottle down and chewed the cork to smithereens, spilling the catnip all over the damn place.  I found it in the morning, and having to rush out the door to work, I merely scooped up what I could of the catnip pile and threw it in the sink on my way out the door.  Most of this pile landed in a bowl of water, in the sink.  This bowl of catnippy goodness steeped and brewed all day long, with kitties 1 & 2 sipping from it at will for hours on end.  By the time I got home that night, they were wasted.  I've never seen cats act that way.  We've all heard the term 'bouncing off walls', but this was NUTS.  Running from the floor, up the wall, then back down onto the floor all Matrix-style, attacking each other and our feet, and anything else that seemed mildly threatening - or not threatening enough, basically freaking out in the most entertaining yet slightly disturbing way.

The Gentle Sleep/Valerian Root affected them so differently than your typical catnip high.  I guess the ingredient in it that cats wig out over is Valerian Root.  Some cats don't like it, some do, just like catnip.  And just like catnip, they kinda freak out over it.  Black Betty and Bam-a-lam-a-lam have had catnip before and they've gotten a little nutty and aggressive, but I think Gentle Sleep Complex is the new catnip over here.  The boy did us an accidental favor that night and lost the cap to the bottle (one of the cats grabbed it and ran off and is probably humping it as I type), so the tablets got all weird after being exposed to the air all night.  I'll be buying a new bottle soon, and the weird exposed tablets will be going into a sock for my friends to play with.  I mean, they are here to entertain us.  Have to earn their keep and all...

Good times ahead!!

Part Deux: The Beginning of the End

Ok so it's NOT the end.  The End: Part 2?  Yeah, not really, huh.   It was the first thing that popped in my head...picking names for blogs isn't always easy, you know. 

You ever have something really f*cking shitty happen and just blocked the whole damn thing out?  Its like the story of my life.  I don't like it - I get out my little brain eraser and ta da, it's gone.  That's pretty much what I've done regarding most of my reproductive history, among other things.  I'm hazy on the details, real hazy.  Family members or other people close to me probably have a better memory of the situations than I do.  I start confusing miscarriage #3 with #5, though I know for sure that 6 & 7 happened after we moved... blah blah blah.  So if anything comes across as a little confusing - details, timelines - just...ignore it and carry on.

After #5, as mentioned in part one of this blog, I was feeling a little...let's say...distraught.  Ok, if I'm going to be perfectly honest I might as well say that I turned into a basket case nutjob, among other things.  If you know me, or if you don't, feel free to throw some words out there.  They probably fit.

One thing that happened to me at that point was that I developed a desperate need to get the hell away from everyone and everything I knew, the BBrook house it happened in, the people who knew about it, etc etc.  It was really very hard to face my friends and neighbors who knew what happened.  Sometimes I was pregnant at the same time as one of them, and they went on to have their baby.  Sometimes all it took was 'that look', whether the person knew they were doing it or not.  Sometimes it was things that were said that were well-meaning, but to me were like nails on a chalkboard.  It was just too much.  Not to sound ungrateful for the support I got, because I certainly am, but sometimes you just have to step away.

So when my husband mentioned the possibility of finding a house closer to his job, I jumped on it.  That may be a bit of an understatement.  I got f*cking OBSESSED with it.  I was on realtor.com a couple hours every day.  Then one day the word 'Wisconsin' entered the conversations.  Co-workers of my husband's suggested it and I promptly I laughed it off.  Well, who's laughing now?

Just to humor him I checked out the area on my new favorite website, and couldn't believe the houses I found.  I've always loved old, quirky houses and there seemed to be quite the abundance in the area I searched!  Our house at the time was brand new, we built it, and it's in a neighborhood of all brand-new homes.  Beautiful, and big (oh GOD what a kitchen!), but like I said, I've always loved old houses.  Or anything old, for that matter.  So when I ran across this house and spied this horrendous little thumbnail and read the description of this ramshackle antique, I of course was intrigued.  The price!  The age!  The YARD!!  Oh, the taxes...after taxes in the Brook this was nothing short of stupendous! miraculous! staggering!  DY-no-MITE!!  I printed out the listing along with quite a few others and four passengers set sail that day...

Let me mention that at this point I was still 100% opposed to Wisconsin, and looking at listings and making plans to go for a drive up there was basically humoring good old Steve as far as I was concerned.  Plus, I was curious, I admit it.  I wanted to see what it looked like around here.  Yeah, so what?

Now, the description of the house absolutely rocked, but the pic was for shit.  Anyone who has ever looked at houses on the internet knows how that goes, realtors make a shack sound Disneyland, but those tell-all (I loathe that phrase, tell-all) pics can't lie.  So in my mind picking this particular listing was a tiny little joke I was playing on my husband.  I thought I would show him that the great shiny state of Wisconsin (say this to yourself like a sassy 6 year old girl would) didn't have CRAP. 

It was the first house on the list of drive-bys.  We drove the hour or so it took to get over the state line, spent another half hour locating the house (I never thought I'd get used to this numbered street/avenue system), saw the sign in the yard and pulled up in front.

THE END.

Kidding, kidding.  To be continued...

Armageddon Preparedness - Are YOU Ready?

This is really one part blog, two parts book review.  Or maybe it's two parts blog, one part book review....regardless...it's the product of a late night up reading and way too much coffee the next morning.

After this very mild and practically snowless winter, the news report finally came in...we're about to get some snow.  They project 4-6 inches for this area, which is an area been made snow-pro by 2' snowfalls each of the last couple years. No worries, we got this.  It's old hat.  This is the upper Midwest, muthaf*ckas!!

But amazingly, so many people really don't got this.  We all know how everyone just forgets how to drive when it snows a couple inches.  Right now I'm (supposed to be) getting ready to head to the grocery store to stock up on whatever so I don't have to go out tomorrow or the next day, I guess, and I have no doubt that everyone and their mother's uncle is going to be at the store doing the same.  It's not that the roads won't be plowed tomorrow or the next day, not that even if they weren't we couldn't hop on one of our 3 snowmobiles in an emergency, not that 4-6 inches of snow is cause for alarm, or we could probably get there just find if the roads weren't plowed at all.  It's just a completely natural, even if it is unwarranted, reaction in people.  People freak out.  Whatevs.  Carry on.  *shrug*

Ever heard of the book Life As We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer?  My son got it in his stocking this Christmas, and as it goes I just happened to read the description and thought it sounded very interesting.  So the other night I started reading.  Now, this is a young-adult level book, an easy read for me.  I cracked it open at about 10pm and I swear I couldn't put the damn thing down until 3am when I closed the book on the last page.

I.  Was.  Riveted. 

I've read some of my 10-year old son's books before, and some of them have been f-reak-ing awesome (hello, Hunger Games!), but this...this stuck with me in the most disturbing way.  Basically, the premise of the story is that an asteroid hits the moon and pushes it closer to Earth, causing absolute chaos, destruction, and loss of life.  There's no power, no food, no running water.  The survivors have to live on their wits and what little food they get.  The innovation of people having never experienced a survival situation is another aspect that just fascinated me.  It really gets you thinking.  What the f*ck would we do if shit hit the fan? 

The story is told in a diary format, and the writer is a 16-year old girl, so everything that happens is from her point of view.  It would certainly be interesting enough in an adult-narrated version, but told from the perspective of someone with practically no experience in the real world is really a huge part of what makes this book as amazing as it is.  Kind of like Room by Emma Donoghue...the story would be great otherwise, but the fact that it is told from the perspective of a 5 year old child makes it amazing.

The morning after I read Life As We Knew It, the moon was very apparent in the sky.  Like some kind of freak, I couldn't take my eyes off it.  The wheels started turning... I start thinking about stockpiling food, water and vitamins, and what would we have to do in case there was no electricity or water, and OMG do we need to arm ourselves?!  I was having bonafied anxiety about how unprepared we are in case TheEndOfTheWorld happens!  We are so dependent on all our creature comforts...what would happen if we were suddenly without?  How would we all cope?!

I'm better now, really I am, and I don't really think the world is going to end or that the Mayan calendar is truly a prediction of any kind.  I'm not paranoid or a conspiracy theorist or a survivalist or any other kind of weirdo.  Well...not much anyway, and I sure do like their books and movies!  Though I suppose it might not hurt to stock up on some canned goods, and maybe some liquor for bartering...


But seriously I do have to recommend this book to everyone, even chose it for my local book club selection even though it's a little below our reading levels.  I mean, who cares?  A good story is a good story, and when you find one that leaves such an impression on you, you have to share it!

If you want to check out any of the books I've mentioned, I was so thoughtful as to put them in the cute little Amazon box down at the bottom.  Handy!

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And BPA-free canned food, I guess.