A little history lesson first: A zillion years ago when manure used to be transported by ship, it would be dried out and packed so it was nice and light. Well, naturally once the sturdy wooden ship hit the roiling seas, the manure would inevitably get wet, causing all kinds of bloaty, smelly, even explosive problems. So, those smarty sailors started posting signs that said Stow High In Transit... as in keep it off the floor of the boat. Voila, the creation of shit. I mean S.H.I.T. Is it a true story? Like it matters. It works for me, and its about to work for you, too.
So, speaking of all things poo...
If you have a pet, I'm sure you've seen all the lovely organic products you can bestow on them. Natural cat litter for your kitty's delicate pee-pee, 'natural' dog food (good luck with that one, I can't even feed my kid organic cereal), I even pondered the possibility of organic cardboard for my daughter's guinea pig.
I've tried a couple of these products, but always seem to revert back to good old Purina. Yes, animal lovers, I know. Shut up.
A couple years ago I got a great deal on this cat litter made from corn by-products. It advertised no dust to choke you and your poor kitty, biodegradable, no scent to irritate, yada yada. I had a wicked coupon, so it was a done deal. Took my 2 bags of natural kitty litter home, feeling all like such a good pet owner and all self-satisfied with my organicalism. I get this stuff home and fill the litter box with it, and almost barf my guts out at how bad this stuff smells. And this is BEFORE there was any poo in it! Fresh out of the bag and this stuff was already wretched. It was definitely a source of contention with the other members of my household until it was gone. So I guess I'm scarred for life, cause I haven't tried 'natural' litter since.
Moving on.
I love my dog. She's a 10 year old boxer named Stella, she has a big weird bumpy lumpy thing on her butt cheek, she has the worst breath in the world, and some of her bottom teeth stick out over her lip. She's got a great smile! I think she may be at least half goat, cause she'll eat anything (except natural dog food). She'll eat pretty much everything else. Come to think of it, I think boxers are probably descended from goats and deer. Any boxer-parent knows what I'm talking about. Anyway, she's gorgeous and she is the best dog ever ever in the world and that's not just cause she's mine. If you met her you'd like her better than your dog too.
Except for this one little problem...well, ok there's many. But here are two of the most relevant:
1. She's really bad for my indoor air quality. Her gas...oh God. Is this due to the un-organic food I give her? Am I ruining her poor little body cause I'm too cheap to let Paul Newman feed her? I've tried the natural stuff on her...not even close. Boxers have very expressive faces. One look from Stella and it's all over...you know exactly what she's thinking and it is clearly that there is no way she was going to eat that particular food. Good intentions aside, I'm not going to spend a lot of money on dog food that my dog won't eat. Simple. End of story.
2. Stella thinks that the cat's litter box is her own personal cookie jar. Time for a litter fritter, Stella? This certainly doesn't help with the breath situation. What's a dogmom to do? I mean, I feed the cats (very) un-organic food, and I use that dusty, perfumey, cruddy litter! If it's good enough for my dog to sneak off, tiptoe (yes, she tiptoes!) over to the laundry room to quietly rummage through the box for her little morsel of goodness, and risk getting in trouble cause you KNOW mama's got ears like a hawk...the cat food must be pretty darn good.
So, it comes around again - am I damaging my pets by not feeding them organic and letting them pee on recycled newspaper or vegetable by-products? I don't know. I mean, I hope not. But the stuff is expensive, and you know how it is when you change your pet's food...there's no guarantee they're going to eat it. My BFF tried to feed her cats this fancy food with mini-shrimp and gravy and stuff...they tried to bury it like it was a turd. Lucky for my friend she got it for free and wasn't out any money.
I've heard people say some natural or safe cat litters are great, and I'm sure they are. For those people. I've heard of people who feed their dogs all 'real food' like raw meat and rice and whatnot. That is some dedicated dog-parenting, I tell ya. Good for them, huh?! But I'm not gonna do it. Maybe one of these days I will find another coupon and get one of those healthier pet products for cheap, we'll all love it, Stella will even love it a second time around, and me and my zoo will live happily ever after. But for now - or until I win the lottery and hire my pets a personal chef and maid - I will have to stick with what I can afford and what doesn't offend my senses any more than necessary.
Sorry, pets....I do love you!! Now come here and let me squeeze the S.H.I.T. out of you!!
Post Script: I just realized that there is something eco-friendly I do for my dog. I wash her in Basic H2!! You know, Shaklee's organic cleaning concentrate that cleans everything you could ever imagine, including your pets. Yay, I'm a good dogmom after all!!
I read something interesting the other day about the middle finger and where it may have originated. I just found it and rather than typing from memory I'll just paste it ---> During the middle ages, in conflict the English army (opposing the French, I believe) were far superior with the long bow. Bows at the time were made from the wood of the Yew tree. Upon seeing the devastation, officers of the French forces ordered any archers caught to have their index and middle fingers removed, hence making plucking the strings of the bows impossible.
ReplyDeleteThe British, in defiance (or possibly to add insult to injury) would proudly display their intact digits during battle proving to their foes that they could still, indeed,
"Pluck the Yew"